Now, let me start with a small disclosure: maybe I’m just crap at applying mascara and all this means nothing. But I’m hoping at least one person out there gets where I’m coming from. So here’s my thing, how good does one have to be at putting on mascara before you never get some on your eyelids? It’s one thing if you’re just using mascara that day, but what if you already did a beautiful job on your lids and then, splat, your hand turns against you. And don’t even try to tell me using a qtip is okay, we both know that one lid (super up close) will never look as good as it did. Okay fine, no one else will know, but you will.
Furthermore, have you ever stabbed yourself in the eye with the mascara wand? Of course you have, because that is the mascara wand’s purpose in life. First it is to make your lashes pretty, and then (the traitorous b*tch) stabs you square in the eye. Because why should you enjoy the beautiful job you just did? Mascara users, we all know that its not just the pain of being stabbed, it’s the burning of the freshly applied mascara running into your tear filled eyes. It’s the deep sadness of knowing you now have to re-do all your work, and that you’ve probably missed your train or whatever you’re getting ready for.
Today, I was again the subject of an eye attack at the hands of my mascara wand. Honestly, I have never been hit harder. Naturally I threw the wand and bottle in a stupid attempt at self-defense, and sat on the floor moaning thinking I had finally blinded myself at the hands of vanity. After years of accidentally getting shampoo/concealer/lotion/a bug in my eye, I was actually going to go blind. Taken out in the prime of my brows, the worst. I’m aware when injured I possess the composure of a full blown drama queen, but you don’t understand the pain! Or maybe you do, if you do…we should totally form a support group. Either way, it was hugely unpleasant and all around just rude. It’s
probably for sure the reason I even started to write this post.
Yes, I know I could just be more careful or get my lashes tinted or get extensions and eliminate mascara all together. But as I sit at the keyboard, looking like something out of A Clockwork Orange because there is only mascara on ONE eye, I feel like my venting is justified.
You know, while we’re at it why don’t we take a moment for all the injuries suffered in the name of makeup in general. I know I’m not alone on this. Like when you have super awesome liquid eyeliner that’s long lasting and waterproof, but then you f*ck up the wing on one eye. Now you have the ultimate choice between choosing to build on the pre-existing liner and risk morphing into a Gothic panda, or you can try and take it off and start from scratch. I mean, it can’t be that bad of an option. It’s not like you have to wash both eyes. Except we all know that you do in the end. If you haven’t been in this position, allow me to elaborate. When you to try and get it off, you discover that sadly your liner isn’t waterproof after all. No, no, that shit is LIFE proof. And correct me if I’m wrong, but the skin on your eyelids is super freaking thin. Scrubbing stuff off of them is the worst. And noooo you won’t see me complaining about this when the weather is warm and I’m at the pool/beach/lake, but baby… it’s still cold outside.
Of course once again, drama queen Dee enters. And yes, I do have my share of good eye makeup days (you see most of those on Instagram haha!), but sometimes you need to have a little whine with your cheese. With that being said, I’m actually going to go pour myself a glass of wine and move on from the awfulness of this. So here’s to all the victims of mascara wands and eyeliner that lied about it’s permanency, may you find comfort in the fact that you are not alone. And if all else fails, just have some cheap wine and vent to the Internets about it ;).